Tag Archives: Cliques

Meeting people and Cliques

Hello Tom and Bunny,
We are a very new to the lifestyle and we are really wanting to make this work for us. The problem is that we are both very shy. We have recently been frequenting a Swingers Club in our city but we don’t know how to approach people. There seems to be a lot of “cliques” in the club and we would really like to get to know some of these couples but don’t want to get turned down. What is the best approach to meet couples and feel like we fit in with the regulars at the club? S&J

Hello S&J,
We have seen your situation throughout out travels and many clubs do an incredible job at making their members feel welcome as well as making introductions. while there is no way to avoid notion of cliques at clubs, however those cliques are mostly just good friends who have forgotten that they themselves were new once and that they have just gotten comfortable with the friends they have made. The problem is, they don’t make themselves inviting for couples to approach on an outward appearance, however trust us that if you approach people regardless if they are in your perception of being in a clique or alone, they honestly are looking to meet new people too and most often will welcome you with open arms. We just had this conversation this past weekend where a couple told us that they were actually wrong in thinking that just going to a club that people would be swarming them to get at them and quickly realized that they had to be the people going up to others and make introductions. We suggest that you have confidence and just walk up to the party tables and tell them that you have been watching them and you want to party with them because they look like they are having so much fun! (everyone likes to have their egos stroked) you can also talk to the club host and ask them to make introductions between you and couples they feel you would have more in common with, your club host typically knows alot of details about their members just by observing and getting to know others, another source would be the Bartenders! if your club has bartender, they are going to know everyone! The bartenders are great at making introductions, they know who the party people are, the people looking for more intimate conversations, the ones who dance etc… if given enough information about yourself to them they could almost play matchmaker! As for rejection, that is part of the swinging lifestyle, don’t take it personal if you are not someones cup of tea or match, accept their rejection as a positive and learn what works and what doesn’t when approaching couples. Just because a couple rejects you sexually doesn’t mean they dislike you personally and can’t introduce you to someone who they know might be a better fit. Above all, our best suggestion would be treat everyone positive, regardless how you personally feel about them for the next couple you may be interested in may very well be close friends with them and depending on how you radiate yourself to them is how they will recommend you to their friends. We hope this helps.
Tom and Bunny