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Stop ignoring your spouse at lifestyle events
We see a lot of times where one half of the spouse is so into the lifestyle they forget they have a spouse with them and focus all their attention on the new friends. We want to remind everyone that this can be a very dangerous route and you should never ignore or forget that your spouse is with you.
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Transcript
00:00:00:00 – 00:00:15:22
Tom
Hey, everyone. We’re Tom and Bonnie, and we got Bama here. Bama wants her stuffed animal. Hold on. Right here. Let me get her. If you’re watching this on YouTube, this is Bama. Bama bear right now.
00:00:15:24 – 00:00:18:04
Bunny
She doesn’t know that we have to work.
00:00:18:07 – 00:00:49:11
Tom
So we’re Tom and Bonnie from Tom and Buncombe. And if you are interested in pineapple topics, check us out on YouTube and on podcast on all the major podcast sites. Tom and Bonnie. And if you can, follow us on Twitter, Instagram, Tom and Bonnie and we work for Tom’s troops.com cheerleader and adult lifestyle travel to destinations all around the world with cruises, resorts and events.
00:00:49:14 – 00:01:08:18
Tom
We asked if these videos help you and we’ve done a lot of videos. If these videos help you, please help us by booking any of your trips with Tom’s trips, because this is how we get paid to do these videos. It cost you nothing and oftentimes you save money booking with Tom’s trips. Yes.
00:01:08:23 – 00:01:16:16
Bunny
And even if, you look at and you say, oh, well, they don’t have a group that week, I can still book you. Yes. If it’s available online, I can book it for you.
00:01:16:16 – 00:01:28:21
Tom
Yep. We can book hedonism all year long and we also book Desire and Temptation, as well as The Bluest blessed Desire and Temptation Cruises. Yes. And Nadia Nolan’s.
00:01:28:24 – 00:01:31:13
Bunny
Of course. And now splash parties.
00:01:31:16 – 00:01:37:00
Tom
And splash parties. So today’s topic is.
00:01:37:02 – 00:01:38:21
Bunny
Help you stay out of the doghouse?
00:01:38:21 – 00:01:47:04
Tom
Yeah, stay out of the doghouse because, Bunny, she brought this up a couple weeks ago.
00:01:47:07 – 00:01:54:04
Bunny
I brought it up and several months ago when I was first approached. I mean, we’re approached a lot with different things.
00:01:54:04 – 00:02:01:09
Tom
So let’s give the scenario what you’re up. I mean, what we’re saying is neglect.
00:02:01:11 – 00:02:11:07
Bunny
Yeah. Yeah, it is neglect on your spouse. Yeah. So basically what’s have basically.
00:02:11:09 – 00:02:13:12
Tom
Well what’s what’s written down up here.
00:02:13:12 – 00:02:20:18
Bunny
Let’s just start when you’re getting ready to go on lifetime vacation, to one of the great events.
00:02:20:18 – 00:02:21:05
Tom
The club.
00:02:21:05 – 00:02:36:22
Bunny
Even a club or a night out with another couple or a single, you want to talk about possibilities of scenarios, so you want to know where your partner is in line with you.
00:02:36:22 – 00:02:38:13
Tom
And where your boundaries are.
00:02:38:17 – 00:02:43:01
Bunny
You don’t want to be ten steps ahead of your partner.
00:02:43:03 – 00:02:46:24
Tom
And you got to make sure that you both like without.
00:02:46:24 – 00:02:48:00
Bunny
Your partner knowing.
00:02:48:02 – 00:03:24:21
Tom
Without your partner know. Yeah. Oh, our previous video, we talked about our boundaries and, we started off with a book of rules of what we couldn’t do. And then we created boundaries based on our actual real life experiences and activities because we talked about each scenario. Even still today, 20 some years later, almost 30 years later, we talk about every scenario as if it were a first time scenario.
00:03:24:21 – 00:03:57:15
Tom
And we want to know what we liked about it, what we could have done better. Yeah, to make it even more fun. But and then not a requirement is if there was anything we did not like about the scenario, we would either discuss it out our adopt a boundary about it. One of our boundaries is, is we keep an eye on each other during the whole socializing to play all the time.
00:03:57:19 – 00:04:17:17
Tom
Not that we’re watching each other like a hawk. We’re watching to make sure that we’re all on the same page. We’re having a good time. If someone’s not having a good time, we can pick up the cues. That goes for either me or me, our buddy. I won’t be here, buddy. So.
00:04:17:24 – 00:04:31:10
Bunny
And and that even that even goes for the other couple. If if I’m seeing something that, you know, one of them isn’t feeling it or feeling clicky, I will even say, hey, is everything okay?
00:04:31:13 – 00:04:56:23
Tom
I’ve seen buddy, I’m struggling. And Bonnie’s called the wife over because we we all know each other’s buttons to push. And there are times of emergency where somebody is trying their best, but they’re not just making the grade. And sometimes it’s the spouse that gets them over.
00:04:56:25 – 00:04:59:17
Bunny
Yeah. Absolutely. And I’ve done it for Tom before many.
00:04:59:17 – 00:05:00:16
Tom
Many times, many.
00:05:00:16 – 00:05:06:17
Bunny
Many times I’d be like hold on let me, let me help you here. You know, let let’s get him back to where he needs to be.
00:05:06:19 – 00:05:30:24
Tom
Well, because I like with any new people, they don’t know my buttons and therefore I may not really care for what they’re doing to me. And then finally, I’ll say, hold on, let me show you a couple things. Not that we the whole point of the pineapple lifestyle is to experience different types of, experiences.
00:05:30:26 – 00:05:31:13
Bunny
Right?
00:05:31:13 – 00:05:36:11
Tom
And then hopefully we’ll be that, lead off of that and bring it home with us.
00:05:36:12 – 00:05:49:01
Bunny
But we also know that, that when guys aren’t feeling it, that, it tends to. Deter the, the play situation a little bit. So sometimes you need help.
00:05:49:08 – 00:06:14:11
Tom
So one thing that buddy’s been getting a lot of comments on, I haven’t gotten on, but they’ve been coming to funny is a lot of frustrations where their spouse is more into to the other person and not caring about their feelings. Are there at the time level? Yes. Of security.
00:06:14:11 – 00:06:15:08
Bunny
Correct.
00:06:15:10 – 00:06:16:11
Tom
Or safe space?
00:06:16:11 – 00:06:16:22
Bunny
Yeah.
00:06:16:22 – 00:06:19:10
Tom
So like I love using that word.
00:06:19:10 – 00:06:40:26
Bunny
Now this is and I actually have seen it. Yes, I seen it just recently on, on a chat where, one of the, spouses was texting back and forth too much. And even though he was asked to stop, even though he was asked to stop, he still hasn’t.
00:06:40:28 – 00:06:44:14
Tom
And that is that the one where they have a group chat?
00:06:44:18 – 00:06:45:03
Bunny
No.
00:06:45:03 – 00:07:11:11
Tom
Oh, so I saw one today where they have a four way group chat. Our three way group chat. Because it’s, single female and the husband is they were private messaging at first, and then when they started to make plans to meet up, they then added his wife into a group chat. And so that way she was aware.
00:07:11:11 – 00:07:31:12
Tom
So that way, when the husband went out on a date, she was aware of all the plans and everything. Then she found out that they were texting the husband and the other girl, still privately and excluding her. Now we would have a major issue. Oh yeah, one of us did that with the other.
00:07:31:14 – 00:07:36:28
Bunny
And and for me, I mean, for me, that’s just another form of cheating. And I.
00:07:37:04 – 00:07:38:16
Tom
Well, in our eyes.
00:07:38:18 – 00:07:43:29
Bunny
Because it’s a mentally. It doesn’t cheating doesn’t have to just be physical.
00:07:44:02 – 00:07:45:03
Tom
Right.
00:07:45:05 – 00:08:02:00
Bunny
So and I am seeing the lot in and it’s not people that have been in this life for a long time. It’s most of the people that are just starting because they’re so excited and they’re, they’re jumping in with both feet and they’re forgetting that they have a partner with them.
00:08:02:03 – 00:08:03:13
Tom
Right.
00:08:03:15 – 00:08:08:29
Bunny
So they’re like going forward and then they’re like, oh, crap, I pissed off my partner.
00:08:09:06 – 00:08:38:19
Tom
Well, without saying any names, we we seen it happening at hedonism with a couple where they weren’t even together. The female brought the guy and the guy was just bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam bam. And it kind of created a wedge because she didn’t feel included in any of his stuff. So, I think she brought the wrong person.
00:08:38:24 – 00:08:40:25
Bunny
Oh, and that happens. That happens. So he’s a.
00:08:40:25 – 00:08:41:23
Tom
Nice enough guy.
00:08:41:23 – 00:08:54:25
Bunny
But but but the fact is, is if you’re married or you have a spouse or a partner or anything, you need to include them in your train of thought.
00:08:54:25 – 00:08:55:13
Tom
Right?
00:08:55:18 – 00:09:06:14
Bunny
So I always, you know, the best thing is, is to talk about scenarios like, if you’re going out to a club, kind of think about what might could possibly happen.
00:09:06:19 – 00:09:27:14
Tom
I mean, you don’t have to overthink it. No, I always say go to the club with the anticipation of nothing’s going to happen except just you and your wife or you and your husband, depending on who’s watching this video, just going and having a good time with no expectations. And if something happens, be prepared.
00:09:27:17 – 00:09:43:12
Bunny
But that’s where I’m saying I know you need to discuss those scenarios. You say we’re going to go have a good time, but if this happens, do we want to go forward, right? How far do we want to go? You need to have those already kind of in your little guideline.
00:09:43:13 – 00:10:00:19
Tom
I know, like, if a single hour couple, What are the signals if we’re not interested and one of us isn’t interested? I mean, always be aware of your partner’s feelings before anybody else’s, right?
00:10:00:19 – 00:10:31:07
Bunny
So one of the scenarios that I had is, there was, a for some going on and every and three of them seem to be having a good time. And the one was just kind of standing out on the outside because he didn’t really know how far it would go and how far he could go. And his wife was having a great time, and then he decided to have intercourse with the other female.
00:10:31:07 – 00:10:32:23
Bunny
And his wife freaked.
00:10:32:23 – 00:10:33:13
Tom
Freaked.
00:10:33:16 – 00:10:34:16
Bunny
Freaked.
00:10:34:19 – 00:10:34:27
Tom
Out.
00:10:35:03 – 00:10:45:20
Bunny
So she was like, no, you were not supposed to do that, right? It was. And it was basically implied it was going to be all about her. But he didn’t know that.
00:10:45:22 – 00:10:48:19
Tom
Well, I mean, I want it to be all about you, but I want to be included.
00:10:48:22 – 00:10:55:17
Bunny
I know, I know, but two days later, she still was not speaking to him. Wow.
00:10:55:19 – 00:11:29:14
Tom
And with that, I and I was telling Barney, you know, the a lot of people do videos TikToks podcast that the pineapple world is less divorces than any other field or any other lifestyle. But first off, there are no statistics. Not one single statistic out there goes specifically out pineapple people. Did you get divorce? Yeah. Okay. Then boom, right?
00:11:29:22 – 00:11:30:16
Tom
No, seriously.
00:11:30:16 – 00:11:31:05
Bunny
I know, I know.
00:11:31:06 – 00:11:57:01
Tom
They claim that they know these statistics out there and there are none. So the fact is, is we ran a club for 20 years. We saw a lot of divorces. Was it because of the lifestyle? Who knows? Who cares? The fact this is we’re thinking that if they did get a divorce, a lot of it was probably just they couldn’t communicate with each other.
00:11:57:03 – 00:12:09:25
Bunny
That’s exactly what it was. Could they even, you know, he was like, every day, come to me and talk to me. And I’m like, you need to talk to her. She’s not talking to me. Well, that’s part of the problem. Because if.
00:12:10:02 – 00:12:11:09
Tom
You’re huge problem.
00:12:11:09 – 00:12:18:04
Bunny
If you’re pissed off at your spouse or your partner, you need to communicate, not just sit there and.
00:12:18:06 – 00:12:26:02
Tom
And guys, take this as a hint. Don’t get so pissed off. You leave your wife at a resort or no by herself.
00:12:26:02 – 00:12:26:22
Bunny
Oh my god.
00:12:26:22 – 00:12:46:06
Tom
Because revenge is real. It’s big. We’ve seen guys get pissed off at their girl leave thinking they’re going to be all macho, and she’s going to come running. Hell no. We seen the girl bang the entire club. And then go home and tell him all about how he screwed up.
00:12:46:08 – 00:12:47:02
Bunny
Yeah. And then.
00:12:47:02 – 00:12:48:04
Tom
They’re divorced.
00:12:48:06 – 00:12:49:26
Bunny
Yeah.
00:12:49:28 – 00:12:54:27
Tom
I’m not laughing about the divorce. I’m not saying it’s just part of life.
00:12:54:29 – 00:12:58:26
Bunny
Well obviously if he left her at the club he left her before.
00:12:59:04 – 00:13:24:04
Tom
Right. And also be careful about fantasies of like having your wife do all these guys, because sometimes the wife can reset you. In the beginning she might be submissive. It might be kind of for it worse. Yeah.
00:13:24:07 – 00:13:31:14
Bunny
But but if your partner says, hey I don’t like this or I don’t want to do this again.
00:13:31:16 – 00:13:33:29
Tom
Everything don’t stop until you talk about it.
00:13:34:00 – 00:13:42:01
Bunny
Right. Don’t try to convince. Don’t try to push the subject, especially that night or that weekend.
00:13:42:03 – 00:13:44:26
Tom
Sorry, I’m looking for our dog.
00:13:44:29 – 00:13:55:21
Bunny
If somebody says that they don’t like something now, it’s not the time to push it. Now. Now is the time to stop it. And we can revisit that later. Go home.
00:13:55:24 – 00:14:11:14
Tom
Yeah, sleep on it. I mean, if you’re, It’s kind of like that drunk person who wants to apologize and become besties again five seconds after a huge argument, right? It’s not the time or place.
00:14:11:16 – 00:14:45:18
Bunny
There are certain scenarios that, yeah, definitely need a little bit of talking out. Need it more than ten minutes sometimes. Yeah. You can be pissed off at each other for quite a while. Right? And don’t don’t let extracurricular or fun time in come in between your yourselves and you know and that was the other thing is I’m hearing a lot in it’s both from male and female that their partner is paying more attention to their play partner than they are.
00:14:45:20 – 00:14:50:05
Tom
I have seen that. And,
00:14:50:07 – 00:15:12:00
Bunny
It’s almost like they come in and they’re like, oh, there’s my friend, and they’re like, gone, right? And they don’t pay attention. They don’t check in on their on their partner to make sure that they’re okay or they’re having a good time and they’re lovey dovey over here. And their partners like this. No. Read that body language. If that’s something that you don’t want.
00:15:12:00 – 00:15:27:22
Bunny
Sorry, I talk with my hands. If that’s something that makes you feel comfortable, you need to let your partner know. And if your partner says this is making me feel uncomfortable, then you need to discuss it, not not just let it roll. Roll off of you.
00:15:27:27 – 00:15:31:24
Tom
No, no, I, I totally I’m I’m hearing you.
00:15:31:27 – 00:15:36:00
Bunny
Because you because we’ve seen it. We’ve seen it a lot.
00:15:36:02 – 00:16:04:21
Tom
And I just, I, just me and Bunny have always been able to communicate. And communication is the key to a successful marriage. Our success a successful time in the pineapple world. Communication is important in life in general. If you can’t, if you cannot openly talk about everything with your spouse. I don’t have any words.
00:16:04:24 – 00:16:05:04
Bunny
No.
00:16:05:09 – 00:16:12:09
Tom
No, I mean, I don’t have any words of encouragement because my encouragement is for you to communicate with your spouse.
00:16:12:11 – 00:16:28:23
Bunny
Absolutely. And communication also means body language. You’ve got to be able to read your partner to write, if there might be a scenario where they’re gagged and you can’t say anything.
00:16:28:25 – 00:16:31:07
Tom
But it’s just, how have you been? Yeah.
00:16:31:10 – 00:16:43:03
Bunny
No, no, no. You know that that would not happen. You are going in the other night. I know I’m going in the other night. I have a bad gag to.
00:16:43:06 – 00:16:44:13
Tom
Spit on that thing.
00:16:44:15 – 00:16:52:24
Bunny
But no, that could be a situation like with Tom, his death. So he’s got to constantly be watching.
00:16:52:25 – 00:16:55:21
Tom
I do, because I take my hearing aids out.
00:16:55:24 – 00:17:01:01
Bunny
And sometimes if he doesn’t get this, like, he doesn’t understand that, I’m like.
00:17:01:04 – 00:17:03:26
Tom
I.
00:17:03:28 – 00:17:29:29
Bunny
But no, you you know your partner well enough that you know when by looking at body language, by looking at expressions that they’re not comfortable and that’s when you need to pay attention. And you need to determine, especially for the ones that are guilty of giving the play partner way much more attention than their other partner. You need to reevaluate if that’s what you really want.
00:17:30:01 – 00:17:34:05
Bunny
Because you keep pushing that level, you’re going to end up in the hole or.
00:17:34:07 – 00:17:36:23
Tom
I’m just letting money talk. This is our topic.
00:17:36:27 – 00:17:41:03
Bunny
This is my topic. I’m not used to just letting money talk.
00:17:41:05 – 00:17:45:26
Tom
I know I’m usually the one talking, but I’m just letting you free flow on this one.
00:17:46:02 – 00:17:52:20
Bunny
Yeah, because I just look at my. It’s like to see the hamster and I’m like, you’re going to fall asleep or no, no, no, no.
00:17:52:20 – 00:18:15:02
Tom
I, I’m actually intrigued because you wanted to talk about this topic because like I said, people don’t approach me on that stuff. They approached Bunny because she’s a female and they feel less threatened or they think, I’m going to charge. I mean, I don’t charge anybody, but me and Bunny are always willing to help everybody. We don’t want to see anyone break up or.
00:18:15:08 – 00:18:16:02
Bunny
You know, have a.
00:18:16:02 – 00:18:20:01
Tom
Divorce. But we also don’t want to see somebody ruin a marriage either.
00:18:20:07 – 00:18:21:12
Bunny
No, absolutely.
00:18:21:12 – 00:18:45:26
Tom
Not, ma’am, but we are 38 years married. 39 years together. We were always told in the pineapple world that it would break us up. We’d be jealous. And yeah, we’ve had our share of jealousies and everything. We just talk, we communicate. I mean, I just can’t express it enough. That communication.
00:18:45:28 – 00:18:47:07
Bunny
You know,
00:18:47:10 – 00:18:48:09
Tom
I had to get that word out.
00:18:48:10 – 00:19:14:27
Bunny
Yes, yes, I was talking to somebody, last October, and, I was talking to another gentleman, and, and we were talking about that same scenario, and I said, I said, you know, Tom and I have been together 38 years, and I still get jealous. And he goes, do you get jealous or do you get envious? And I’m like, excuse me?
00:19:15:00 – 00:19:24:13
Bunny
He’s like, are you jealous that he’s really having a good time? Or are you envious that he’s having a good time and you’re not?
00:19:24:16 – 00:19:25:26
Tom
That’s her great.
00:19:25:28 – 00:19:30:28
Bunny
And I’m like, you’re absolutely right. You’re absolutely right.
00:19:31:00 – 00:19:32:02
Tom
No.
00:19:32:04 – 00:19:39:06
Bunny
So so yeah, you got to think is a jealous or is envious. And that’s when I say, fine, I’m going to take my ball and go home.
00:19:39:06 – 00:19:43:23
Tom
Yep. And she takes me home.
00:19:43:25 – 00:20:06:07
Bunny
But I was like, yeah you’re that it that I was like after all these years? I said, you know what? That kind of slapped me in the head. That was like a an eye opener because, yeah, your absolutely right. And he goes, because of the fact is you’re not jealous. You’re still having a good time, but you’re envious because you know what she’s getting and that you like getting that.
00:20:06:12 – 00:20:07:23
Bunny
And you’re not right now.
00:20:07:25 – 00:20:10:18
Tom
I’ll say that’s true.
00:20:10:20 – 00:20:12:02
Bunny
Right? Yeah.
00:20:12:04 – 00:20:15:06
Tom
Yeah, I’ll say that. That’s 1,000% true.
00:20:15:25 – 00:20:33:11
Tom
Because you know when you, when you go meet up with people whether it’s single a couple, you don’t know what you’re going to get until you’re right. I mean these pictures with Coke cans and remote controls, you don’t know if it’s the tiny remote or the.
00:20:33:13 – 00:20:35:08
Bunny
Big, big remote.
00:20:35:11 – 00:21:04:23
Tom
You don’t know if it’s the little six ounce cans of soda or the 12 ounce cans or the the 16. But it’s just, I mean, yeah. I, I totally get that. I mean, I, I’ve been with females where they are more pillow princesses. Yes. And so I’ll use the word envious. I’m envious that the other guy has you and I am.
00:21:04:25 – 00:21:08:20
Bunny
Trying to do everything under the sun to help.
00:21:08:22 – 00:21:12:19
Tom
Yeah, I guess I feel neglected.
00:21:12:21 – 00:21:13:07
Bunny
See?
00:21:13:12 – 00:21:13:25
Tom
See?
00:21:13:27 – 00:21:14:19
Bunny
Yeah, yeah.
00:21:14:20 – 00:21:15:25
Tom
So I get it.
00:21:15:28 – 00:21:22:20
Bunny
Yeah, but that was an eye opener. I’m like, whoa, okay. That was that was a good one that he brought up.
00:21:22:23 – 00:21:25:13
Tom
So you’re no longer jealous. You’re just envious.
00:21:25:16 – 00:21:35:13
Bunny
Yes, absolutely. But I think if Tom went out on a date, I, I would be so jealous.
00:21:35:14 – 00:21:37:00
Tom
Oh, you’d be a stalker.
00:21:37:03 – 00:21:37:16
Bunny
I think.
00:21:37:18 – 00:21:39:09
Tom
Following us and.
00:21:39:12 – 00:21:40:24
Bunny
That is way beyond.
00:21:40:24 – 00:21:45:16
Tom
I look over my shoulder to be tucked down, looking at. Yeah. No, that would be funny.
00:21:45:19 – 00:21:49:15
Bunny
I would yeah, that’s way beyond my comfort zone.
00:21:49:17 – 00:22:13:18
Tom
But yeah, we see, it happens all the time. I mean, a lot of events, even people were close with we we never say anything because it’s not our place unless they ask us. Because we don’t interject ourselves into other people’s lives. Except for here on video. And you’re willing you’re able to hit stop or close out the window.
00:22:13:18 – 00:22:41:13
Tom
You don’t have to watch us or listen to us, but we see a lot of people where they put a lot more focus on their play partner than they do their own spouse. We just seen a, couple of events ago, and a whole like, dating scenario where, I mean, me, I’m funny after 39 years, we want to be this close to each other.
00:22:41:13 – 00:22:57:28
Tom
We work together, we live together. We are this close together, believe it or not, 23 to 24 hours a day, every day, seven days a week, all year long. We’re really not apart, and we prefer not to be.
00:22:58:03 – 00:23:01:08
Bunny
The only time we’re part is when we’re in the restroom.
00:23:01:10 – 00:23:35:15
Tom
That’s the only time we’re apart. But we’re still within yelling range. Yeah, but, I, I couldn’t if we are. I mean, if we’re friends with another couple. Yeah, we’re totally good. Don’t don’t take it out of context that we can pal around and hang on to the other person and do fun stuff, but if it comes down to just intimately holding hands, are acting like you’re the couple and not.
00:23:35:17 – 00:23:49:07
Tom
Yeah, me and Bonnie, that that’s just a different scenario for us. But we have a lot of friends where we can paddle around with each other, and we just don’t. We don’t get envious. Whoa, whoa. Going rooster block each other. No problem.
00:23:49:09 – 00:24:03:09
Bunny
Yep. Absolutely. But yeah. So that’s just the biggest thing is keep your eyes open, keep your mind open and keep keep an eye on your partner too. And make sure that they’re within the loop.
00:24:03:09 – 00:24:52:10
Tom
And and people can lose interest in each other if you’re not showing, the other one the attention that they. Oh that they deserve or need. I was just telling somebody and I know where I talked about the divorcing. We have an album in our Facebook and we had 109 couples and people whenever they say, oh yeah, the divorce rate is so low in the lifestyle because it’s statistically proven, because you can communicate that no, divorcing emotions can also create huge issues, because when you have an emotional attachment, someone else that your spouse can’t compete with.
00:24:52:12 – 00:25:12:16
Tom
Correct. But I go, I went, I I’ll pull up that photo album and I like see these couples see these couples, they look happy, right? They’re like yeah, yeah, yeah. All 75% of our divorce. 75%. And like I said earlier we don’t know if it’s because of the lifestyle and it could be any number of reasons.
00:25:12:21 – 00:25:26:15
Tom
But it probably all boils down to a common denominator of lack of feeling. The other ones are like a lack of interest or no communication, passion or no sexual desires or.
00:25:26:19 – 00:25:28:05
Bunny
Right. Absolutely.
00:25:28:07 – 00:25:43:10
Tom
And and at 39 years, we still think that you should be desiring each other sexually, as you did when you were dating. Because when you were dating, the focus, honestly, was to get laid right?
00:25:43:13 – 00:25:44:06
Bunny
Exactly.
00:25:44:06 – 00:25:59:29
Tom
It was to find your soulmate. It was to find a compatibility factor. That’s where I never understood. No sex before marriage. Because then you’re kind of stuck. And there’s a lot of divorces. Are that because.
00:26:00:03 – 00:26:00:22
Bunny
Oh, yeah.
00:26:00:24 – 00:26:08:24
Tom
They didn’t measure up to each other’s, what they thought would be like.
00:26:08:26 – 00:26:12:12
Bunny
No, I, I completely get that. Yeah I completely.
00:26:12:12 – 00:26:41:02
Tom
Get that the whole hot wife thing, it works for some people and I, we’ve seen it not work for a lot of people. So hot wife thing is something we would never recommend. If someone does it that’s fine. We have no issues with it. But we would never try to talk anyone into it, nor would we recommend it, because I don’t think a lot of people could handle that scenario well.
00:26:41:02 – 00:26:56:05
Bunny
And the fact is, is if, you if you really think that your wife wants to do it, then you really need to make sure that she really wants to do it. Because we met some men and he was just a narcissist, and he basically forced her to do it.
00:26:56:06 – 00:26:59:22
Tom
Yes. And I mean, he was literally calling guys.
00:26:59:22 – 00:27:01:06
Bunny
And she.
00:27:01:06 – 00:27:15:17
Tom
And he even asked us because we were meeting them. And next thing you know, he’s like, hey, do you mind if I have a couple singles come over and nail or why, why you guys are here? And I’m like, no, dude, we’re out of here.
00:27:15:18 – 00:27:19:09
Bunny
He got off on it. She hated it. Yeah, she she.
00:27:19:12 – 00:27:23:29
Tom
Tries to take her out of there and I’m like, I didn’t know what to do in that scenario.
00:27:24:04 – 00:27:46:21
Bunny
She said, I am leaving him, I feel used I don’t want to do this. So you’ve got to make sure you’re both on the same level. Yeah. And if think I’m like, I just can’t reiterate the fact of the feelings change. If you don’t want to do it, then you need to stand up and say, I don’t like this, I don’t want to do this anymore.
00:27:46:24 – 00:27:52:11
Bunny
And then your partner should respect you in figure things out.
00:27:52:12 – 00:28:21:19
Tom
Well, the whole thing about the, pineapple world is compromises. Somebody has a fantasy and it’s, I mean, hopefully you can let your spouse live out their fantasies. That’s the whole, point of including other people into your life because some fantasies require more than one person and yes, a person not willing to do things that your spouse isn’t willing to do.
00:28:21:19 – 00:28:31:05
Bunny
Well, and also, two fantasies can be just in your head. In reality, is a good slap kick in the nuts.
00:28:31:07 – 00:28:54:27
Tom
Now, we’ve seen people break up because they, one of them had all these wild fantasies and they came true and they couldn’t handle it. They wanted nothing to do with the other person, and it was their fantasies that backfired on them. And they were the ones disgusted with the other one for helping fulfill those fantasies. How messed up is that?
00:28:54:28 – 00:29:05:11
Bunny
Oh yeah. Yeah. Let’s go back into the narcissist there. Yeah. But. So no. Yeah. It’s a very, very fine line. I think.
00:29:05:13 – 00:29:06:00
Tom
I’m pulling up my.
00:29:06:00 – 00:29:18:00
Bunny
Glasses. But not only is it that fine line, but like you say, it’s just that communication. You’ve got to communicate it. Just make this pineapple world fun. It’s fun as you can.
00:29:18:05 – 00:29:18:16
Tom
If you’re.
00:29:18:16 – 00:29:20:04
Bunny
Not. It’s supposed to be.
00:29:20:09 – 00:29:39:25
Tom
Yeah. If you’re not having fun, if you if you can’t go out and without having something to do with someone else, it may come back to haunt you later. Like, remember that your spouse is the most important person like Tom.
00:29:39:25 – 00:30:07:10
Bunny
And I say we are very, very social pineapple people. So for us it’s just a matter of going out, having fun, flirting, harmlessly, flirting. If it leads to something, then that’s great. If not, then we’ve value a friendship. We are now part of the community. Well, we’re not having. I mean, we’re having fun, but we’re not meeting the people that we want to meet.
00:30:07:13 – 00:30:14:20
Bunny
So now we’re looking for pineapple first. Yeah. So we can go out and have fun with people. We like to have fun with.
00:30:14:21 – 00:30:16:15
Tom
Pineapple people are just more fun to be.
00:30:16:18 – 00:30:33:08
Bunny
They are much more fun to be around. You don’t have to worry about. You don’t have to worry about, offending somebody because you’re wearing a too low kind of a shirt or. Or you can go on a Jeep ride with wearing them side boob shirt without.
00:30:33:10 – 00:30:33:28
Tom
Without no.
00:30:33:28 – 00:30:36:10
Bunny
Bra with a right. Exactly.
00:30:36:10 – 00:31:05:23
Tom
No. It’s true, because, I just put up a thing, because we’re going to go to cheap and base and, and, Pigeon Forge and, August. Yep. And it’s going to be all through Pigeon Forge, Gatlinburg. And this last year there was like 50,000 shapes star expecting more this year they say to go a mile. It might take you an hour to two hours because it’s just it’s a slow crawl and we’re looking forward to that.
00:31:06:01 – 00:31:28:07
Tom
So I and all these people are posting, like, we have a solid black tie, so they’re doing a black T meet up and they’re going to take a big picture. All the black tips I did. You see the pink Jeep meet up? I didn’t realize there were hundreds of them. And there’s just a big picture with it.
00:31:28:07 – 00:31:32:00
Tom
Looks like a thousand pink jeeps all in one picture.
00:31:32:01 – 00:31:35:07
Bunny
I might have to be in a gray jeep next year.
00:31:35:09 – 00:31:36:25
Tom
A gray t.
00:31:36:28 – 00:31:41:16
Bunny
Told you if I. If I get a Jeep, what I’m doing with it.
00:31:41:18 – 00:31:43:15
Tom
What are you doing with it?
00:31:43:17 – 00:31:45:01
Bunny
Putting thumper on it.
00:31:45:01 – 00:32:13:17
Tom
Oh. So, there there were people about the red jeeps and white, every jeep color. And then somebody goes, is there going to be a singles meet up? And I thought, well, that’s a great idea, because mostly it’s a lot of it’s going to be families. So I found if you’re familiar or not on the Jeep, they have trail badges and you earn them.
00:32:13:22 – 00:32:39:25
Tom
But there was, an upside down pineapple with horns and a tail and it just says plays well with the others. 4×4. And I posted that I didn’t think it was going to get approved because this is a very family friendly Facebook group. And it two weeks later, all of a sudden it popped up, approved. I was like, oh my God, there’s like seven, almost 18,000 profiles in here.
00:32:39:28 – 00:33:10:28
Tom
I’m like, I am either going to get slaughtered or so immediately I got 150 either likes hearts are laughing emojis. I got a couple of angry emojis. I got three comments, that were negative. One is, really this community has dole out those people in it and I’m thinking, you know, look around at all your friends, family, coworkers, people you sit next to in church.
00:33:11:00 – 00:33:48:22
Tom
You probably know pineapple people and not realize it because we don’t just come out, we know how to act well. Most of us know how to act normal. Yeah. And, social environment. A lot of the comments are pretty good and people are sharing it. People are tagging it, and there’s, vendor who’s going to be selling little cheat badges, and they have one that says, upside down pineapple, if you know, you know, and they’re like 25 bucks, I’m like, I might have to buy one.
00:33:48:22 – 00:34:10:04
Tom
I don’t want to put it on my Jeep, but, I just thought to support that and I was talking to her. She’s not in the lifestyle, but I committed her for producing stuff that would be promotable or sellable to other people that aren’t. Are not her demographic.
00:34:10:04 – 00:34:10:16
Bunny
Correct?
00:34:10:19 – 00:34:23:24
Tom
Mostly the coins are challenge. Coins are military, police, firemen, first responders. So it’s kind of cool to see an actual, real, bona fide upside down pineapple.
00:34:23:26 – 00:34:25:05
Bunny
Exactly.
00:34:25:07 – 00:34:57:04
Tom
Badge. So, we’ll get that. But I was talking to her, and I was telling her, I said, you know, probably 20% of that group is in the pineapple lifestyle somehow. Because in California, they did a study, the local news, and they went around surveying people. And it came out that 1 in 4 couples admitted to at least trying something in the pineapple world one time.
00:34:57:06 – 00:35:08:07
Tom
They didn’t ask any father. So that meant if you walk your neighborhood and count 100 houses, 25 possibly could be pineapple people.
00:35:08:07 – 00:35:08:18
Bunny
Yep.
00:35:08:21 – 00:35:20:03
Tom
You go to your work, you got 100 people that work in your office. 25 could be pineapple people. I know if you’re a police officer, it’s probably 85%.
00:35:20:05 – 00:35:21:02
Bunny
School teacher, a.
00:35:21:02 – 00:35:38:18
Tom
School teachers, nurses. But I mean, different lines of work are going to accumulate that 25% down. But that also goes for churches. I mean, the the moral majority aren’t so moral when they keep a secret like this.
00:35:38:21 – 00:35:49:11
Bunny
Did you see the the one going around now that there was some type of a list and it says the most swingers per capita is Pennsylvania?
00:35:49:12 – 00:35:55:16
Tom
Oh, I the one that say that. Yeah. And well, but they didn’t even put California on there.
00:35:55:16 – 00:35:55:29
Bunny
No.
00:35:55:29 – 00:36:19:08
Tom
So they’re skewed I mean, and I even post I even wrote to you that you could tell they were non pineapple people who did it just by the way. They were a few things. They, they were very naive or trying to be just a plain where someone like us would have wrote the list and yeah, got a little more definitive on it.
00:36:19:10 – 00:36:41:01
Tom
But when I told this girl who is going to be selling these batches about the pineapple world, she goes, oh my God. My friend basically said word for word, what? You just said that there’s going to be 20% of this group that would buy that batch and stuff like that. They might not put it on their cheap, but they might keep it at home.
00:36:41:04 – 00:37:06:01
Tom
We want to make a pact for with different cheap batches, and that would be one of them. And then she asked me to take it off, because I did promote it, that she was going to be selling them. So she must have gotten a little pushback. And, you know, I don’t I don’t, disagree with her wanting, me to know my post because I don’t want anyone to be dark.
00:37:06:03 – 00:37:06:16
Bunny
No.
00:37:06:16 – 00:37:08:28
Tom
And she wasn’t even in the pineapple.
00:37:08:28 – 00:37:33:11
Bunny
And that’s what I disagree with, because everybody has a right to their own business. Everybody has a right to make money, whether, it’s selling that or selling a set of tires. Right. And that’s where I just get so frustrated with people out there in the community that are so hateful towards another group of individuals.
00:37:33:11 – 00:37:42:17
Tom
Yeah. And that group of individuals, they just have a stigma in their head about that, group of individuals.
00:37:42:17 – 00:37:42:28
Bunny
Right.
00:37:43:01 – 00:37:52:25
Tom
But the fact is that group of individuals is a more honest group. They’re more they they’re more caring about other people.
00:37:52:28 – 00:37:54:23
Bunny
They’re the first ones to jump up.
00:37:54:27 – 00:37:58:00
Tom
To paint our house in California.
00:37:58:02 – 00:37:58:21
Bunny
Yeah.
00:37:58:24 – 00:38:14:22
Tom
And we are just talking about it, man. But we’re going to paint it by ourselves. And we have like ten people. So, ready to work. I mean, not to socialize. They were pushed. Let’s do, let’s do one day start to finish prime, paint it.
00:38:14:24 – 00:38:33:12
Bunny
And then when we moved to when we bought our house in California, we were moving 80 miles away and we didn’t know where are we going to put all of our stuff. And somebody just randomly called us, we made, maybe once or twice and, he’s like, I got this property, I’ve got this, I’ve got that.
00:38:33:12 – 00:38:36:11
Bunny
You can. You’re more than welcome to park your trailers here.
00:38:36:13 – 00:38:37:01
Tom
Yeah.
00:38:37:03 – 00:38:45:20
Bunny
I mean, just out of the blue. So our community is so much more helpful and is so much more caring, I think, than most any of the other.
00:38:45:20 – 00:39:10:15
Tom
And we don’t have no judgments. And that’s the difference between the pineapple world, where there are a lot of people that I know. We’re totally off topic because we’re done with the other topic. I think. But there’s a lot of people that go to pineapple clubs and events, even hedonists, there’s a lot of nudist, there’s a lot of people that want to wear their bottoms and no tops.
00:39:10:20 – 00:39:25:22
Tom
There’s people that want to be naked, there’s people that want to play with others and that everyone gets along because, you know, if someone comes up and says, hey, do you want to play? All you guys says, no. Well, I’m not into that, but thank you. Take it as a compliment.
00:39:25:22 – 00:39:26:21
Bunny
But it’s basically.
00:39:26:22 – 00:39:27:06
Tom
Is,
00:39:27:09 – 00:39:37:27
Bunny
We’re all in the same mindset of just want to have fun and meet people, right? And enjoy everybody’s.
00:39:37:29 – 00:39:52:10
Bunny
Being around people and have fun. But socialize. Yeah. The socializing and, yeah, there’s people outside. They’re so closed minded that they won’t even think of anything beyond you’re having sex with somebody else.
00:39:52:13 – 00:40:08:08
Tom
Right? And then that goes along with it. And I guess I will add into the topic of this. When we see people that focus on someone more than their own spouse, me and Bunny actually avoid both of them.
00:40:09:20 – 00:40:24:29
Tom
Because we just don’t want drama. And most people in the pineapple world, they’re, they want to be drama free. And we, we want to have fun. We want to smile. We don’t want to be the shoulder that they’re always crying on or talking about.
00:40:25:00 – 00:40:30:22
Bunny
Correct? Very correct. Yep. All right I think we’re done with this one.
00:40:30:22 – 00:40:31:23
Tom
We are done.
00:40:31:24 – 00:40:33:09
Bunny
We are done with you.
00:40:33:11 – 00:40:57:15
Tom
We’re done with you today. So until next time, definitely follow us everywhere. Just search Google, Tom and Bunny all one word. Tom and boo and and y and book your next trip with Tom’s trips.com your leader in adult lifestyle travel and let us further let us show you a good time.
00:40:57:18 – 00:41:00:02
Bunny
You got that right. We’ll see you.
00:41:00:02 – 00:41:02:00
Tom
Soon. We’ll see you soon.
